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  “I would blame me. I was selfish.” His voice was gravelly with emotion. “And I had no right—no right to want presents on Christmas—no right to grow angry with my parents for not having time for me.”

  Her heart ached for him. “Of course you would want Christmas with all of its trimmings. Your life was spinning out of control and you wanted to cling to what you knew—what would make your life feel normal again.”

  “Aren’t you listening? My brother was dying and I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself because I couldn’t have some stupid toys under the Christmas tree. What kind of a person does that make me?”

  “A real flesh-and-blood person who isn’t perfect. But here’s a news flash for you. None of us are—perfect that is. We just have to make the best of what we’ve been given.”

  He shook his head, blinking repeatedly. “I’m worse than most. I’m selfish and thoughtless. Uncaring is the word my mother threw at me.” He swiped at his eyes. “And she was right. My brother deserved a better sibling than I’d turned out to be.”

  Holly placed her hand atop his before lacing their fingers together. A tingling sensation rushed from their clasped hands, up her arm and settled in her chest. It gave her the strength she needed to keep going—to keep trying to help this man who was in such pain.

  “Did you ever think that you were just a kid in a truly horrific situation? Your big brother—the person you looked up to—your best friend—was sick, dying and there was nothing you could do for him. That’s a lot to deal with as an adult, but as a child you must have felt utterly helpless. Not knowing what to do with the onslaught of emotions, you pushed them aside. Your brother’s situation was totally out of your control. Instead you focused on trying to take control of your life.”

  Finn’s wounded gaze searched hers. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

  “I’m saying it because it’s what I believe.” She freed her hand from his in order to gently caress his jaw. “Finn, you’re a good man with a big heart—”

  “I’m not. I’m selfish.”

  “Is that what your mother told you?”

  “No.” His head lowered. There was a slight pause as though he was lost in his own memories. “It’s what my father told me.”

  “He was wrong.” She placed a fingertip beneath Finn’s chin and lifted until they were eye to eye. “He was very wrong. You have the biggest, most generous heart of anyone I know.”

  “Obviously you don’t know me very well.” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

  “Look at how much you do for others. The Santa Project is a prime example. And you’re a generous boss with an amazing benefits package for your employees—”

  “That isn’t what I meant. My father...he told me that I should have been the one in the hospital bed, not my brother.” Holly gasped. Finn kept talking as though oblivious to her shocked reaction. “He was right. My brother was the golden boy. He was everything my parents could want. Derek and I were quite different.”

  Tears slipped down her cheeks. It was horrific that his father would spew such mean and hurtful things, but the fact that Finn believed them and still did to this day tore her up inside. How in the world did she make him see what a difference he continued to make in others’ lives?

  And then a thought occurred to her. She pulled his hand over to her slightly rounded abdomen. “This is the reason you’re still here. You have a future. You have two little ones coming into this world that you can lavish with love and let them know how important each of them are to you. You can make sure they know that you don’t have a favorite because they are equally important in your heart.”

  “What...what if I end up like my father and hurt our children?”

  “You won’t. The fact you’re so worried about it proves my point.”

  His gaze searched hers. “Do you really believe that? You think I can be a good father?”

  “I do.” Her voice held a note of conviction. “Just follow your heart. It’s a good, strong heart. It won’t lead you astray.”

  “No one ever said anything like this to me. I... I just hope I don’t let you down.”

  “You won’t. I have faith in you.”

  His gaze dipped to her lips. She could read his thoughts and she wanted him too. Not waiting for him, she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his.

  At first, he didn’t move. Was he that surprised by her action? Didn’t he know how much she wanted him? Needed him?

  As his lips slowly moved beneath hers, she’d never felt so close to anyone in her life. It was though his words had touched her heart. He’d opened up and let her in. That was a beginning.

  Her hands wound around his neck. He tasted sweet like the fresh batch of Christmas cookies that she’d left on a plate in the kitchen. She was definitely going to have to make more of those.

  As their kiss deepened, her fingers combed through his hair. A moan rose in the back of her throat. She’d never been kissed so thoroughly. Her whole body tingled clear down to her toes.

  Right now though, she didn’t want anything but his arms around her as they sank down into the nest of blankets and pillows. While the storm raged outside, desire raged inside her.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  IT COULD BE BETTER.

  But it could have been so much worse.

  The next morning, Finn returned to the safe room after a preliminary survey of the storm damage. He glanced down at the cocoon of blankets and pillows to find Holly awake and getting to her feet. With her hair slightly mussed up and her lips still rosy from a night of kissing, she’d never looked more beautiful.

  She blushed. “What are you looking at?” She ran a hand over her hair. “I must be a mess.”

  “No. Actually you look amazing.”

  “You’re just saying that because you want something from me.”

  He hadn’t said it for any reason other than he meant it. However, now that she’d planted the idea into his head, perhaps now was as good a time as any to tell her what he had on his mind. He’d stared into the dark long after she’d fallen asleep the night before. He’d thought long and hard about where they went from here.

  But now as she smiled up at him, his attention strayed to her soft, plump lips. “You’re right, there is something I want.” He reached out and pulled her close. “This.”

  Without giving her a chance to react, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Her kisses were sweet as nectar and he knew he’d never ever tire of them. He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. He needed to make sure that last night hadn’t just been a figment of his imagination.

  And now he had his proof. The chemistry between them was most definitely real. It was all the more reason to follow through with his plan—his duty.

  When at last he let her go, she smiled up at him. “What was that about?”

  “Just making sure you aren’t a dream.”

  “I’m most definitely real and so was that storm last night. So, um, how bad is the damage?” She turned and started to collect the blankets.

  “There’s a lot of debris on the beach. It’ll take a while until this place looks like it once did, but other than a few minor things, the house held its own.”

  “That’s wonderful. How long until we have power?”

  “I’m hoping not long. I plan to work on that first.” They were getting off topic.

  “Before I let you go, I do believe we got distracted last night before I could ask my next question.”

  “Hmm...I don’t recall this.” She sent him a teasing smile.

  “Convenient memory is more like it.”

  “Okay. What’s your question?”

  Now that it was time to put his marriage plan in action, he had doubts—lots of them. What if she wanted more than he could offer? W
hat if she wanted a traditional marriage with promises of love?

  “Finn? What is it?”

  “Will you marry me?”

  Surprise reflected in her eyes. “We already had this conversation. It won’t work.”

  “Just hear me out. It won’t be a traditional marriage, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work. After all, we’re friends—or I’d like to think we are.” She nodded in agreement and he continued. “And we know we’re good together in other areas.”

  Pink tinged her cheeks. “So this would be like a business arrangement?”

  “Not exactly. It’ll be what we make of it. So what do you say?”

  She returned to folding a blanket. “We don’t have to be married to be a family. I still believe we’ll all be happier if you have your life and I have my own.”

  A frown pulled at his lips. This wasn’t the way it had played out in his imagination. In his mind, she’d jumped at the offer. If she was waiting for something more—something heartfelt—she’d be waiting a very long time.

  There had to be a way to turn this around. The stakes were much too high for him to fold his hand and walk away. He needed to be close to his children—

  “Stop.” Her voice interrupted the flow of his thoughts.

  “Stop what?”

  “Wondering how you can get me to say yes. You can’t. I told you before that I didn’t want to get married. That hasn’t changed.”

  But the part she’d forgotten was that he was a man used to getting his way. When he set his sights on something, nothing stood in his way. He would overcome her hesitation about them becoming a full-fledged family, no matter what it took.

  He wanted to be a full-time father to his kids and do all the things his father had been too busy to do with him. He would make time for both of his children. He wouldn’t demean one while building up the other. Or at least he would try his darnedest to be a fair and loving parent.

  And that was where Holly came into the plan. She would be there to watch over things—to keep the peace and harmony in the family. He knew already that she wouldn’t hesitate to call him out on the carpet if he started to mess up where the kids were concerned.

  He needed that reassurance—Holly’s guidance. There was no way that he was going to let her go. But could he give her his heart?

  Everyone he’d ever loved or thought that he’d loved, he’d lost. He couldn’t go through that again. He couldn’t have Holly walk out on him. It was best that they go into this marriage as friends with benefits as well as parents to their twins. Emotions were overrated.

  * * *

  The storm had made a real mess of things.

  And Holly found herself thankful for the distraction. She moved around the living room where one of the floor-to-ceiling window panes had been broken when a shutter had been torn off its hinge. There was a mess of shattered glass everywhere.

  So while Finn worked on restoring the power to the house, she worked on making the living room inhabitable again. But as the winds whipped through the room, she knew that as soon as Finn was free, she needed his help to put plywood over the window. But for now she was happy for the solitude.

  If she didn’t know better, she’d swear she dreamed up that marriage proposal. Finn Lockwood proposed to little old her. She smiled. He had no idea how tempted she was to accept his proposal. She’d always envied her friends getting married...until a few years down the road when some of them were going through a nasty divorce.

  No, she couldn’t—she wouldn’t set herself up to get hurt. And now it wasn’t just her but her kids that would be hurt when the marriage fell apart. She was right in turning him down. She just had to stick to her resolve. Everyone would be better off because of it.

  So then why didn’t she feel good about her decision? Why did she feel as though she’d turned down the best offer in her entire life?

  It wasn’t like she was madly in love with him. Was she?

  Oh, no. It was true.

  She loved Finn Lockwood.

  When exactly had that happened?

  She wasn’t quite sure.

  Though the knowledge frightened her, she couldn’t deny it. What did she do now?

  “Holly?”

  She jumped. Her other hand, holding some of the broken glass, automatically clenched. Pain sliced through her fingers and she gasped. She released her grip, letting the glass fall back to the hardwood floor.

  Finn rushed to her side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He gently took her hand in his to examine it. “You’ve cut yourself. Let’s get you out of here.”

  “I...I’ll be fine.”

  “We’ll see about that.” He led her to the bathroom and stuck her hand under the faucet. “What were you doing in there?”

  “Cleaning up. What did you think?”

  “You should have waited. I would have done it. Or I would have flown in a cleaning crew. But I never expected you to do it, not in your condition.”

  “My condition? You make it sound like I’ve got some sort of disease instead of being pregnant with two beautiful babies.”

  “That wasn’t my intent.”

  She knew that. She was just being touchy because...because he’d gotten past all of her defenses. He’d gotten her to fall in love with him and she’d never felt more vulnerable.

  “What had you so distracted when I walked in?” Finn’s gaze met hers as he dabbed a soapy washcloth to her fingers and palm.

  “It was nothing.” Nothing that she was ready to share. Once she did, he’d reason away her hesitation to get further involved with him.

  “It had to be something if it had you so distracted that you didn’t even hear me enter the room. Were you reconsidering my proposal?”

  He couldn’t keep proposing to her. It was dangerous. One of these days he might catch her in a weak moment and she might say yes. It might have a happy beginning but it was the ending that worried her.

  She knew how to put an end to it. She caught and held his gaze. Her heart thump-thumped as she swallowed hard, working up the courage to get the words out. “Do you love me?”

  His mouth opened, but just as quickly he pressed his lips together. He didn’t love her. Her heart pinched. In that moment she realized that she’d wanted him to say yes. She wanted him to say that he was absolutely crazy in love with her. Inwardly, she groaned. What was happening to her? She was the skeptic—the person who didn’t believe in happily-ever-afters.

  “We don’t have to love each other to make a good marriage.” He reached out to her, gripping her elbows and pulling her to him. “This will work. Trust me.”

  She wanted to say that she couldn’t marry someone who didn’t love her, but she didn’t trust herself mentioning the L-word. “I do trust you. But we’re better off as friends.”

  He sighed. “What I need is a wife and a mother for my children.”

  “You know what they say, two out of three isn’t bad.”

  His brows scrunched together as though not following her comment.

  She gazed into his eyes, trying to ignore the pain she saw reflected there. “We’re friends or at least I’d like to think we are.” He nodded in agreement and she continued. “And I’m the mother of your children. That’s two things. But I just can’t be your wife. I won’t agree to something that in the end will hurt everyone. You’ve already experienced more than enough pain in your life. I won’t add to it. Someday you’ll find the right woman.”

  “What if I’m looking at her?”

  She glanced away. “Now that the storm’s over, I think I should get back to New York.”

  Finn dabbed antibiotic cream on her nicks and cuts before adding a couple of bandages. Without another word, he started cleaning up the mess in the bathroom. Fine. If he wanted to act this way
, so could she.

  She walked away, but inside her heart felt as though it’d been broken in two. Why did life have to be so difficult? Her vision blurred with unshed tears, but she blinked them away.

  If only she could be like other people and believe in the impossible, then she could jump into his arms—she could be content with the present and not worry about the future.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  TWO BUSY DAYS had now passed since the tropical storm. Finn had done everything in his power to put the house back to normal. The physical labor had been exactly what he needed to work out his frustrations.

  Toward the end of the day, Emilio phoned to say that the storm was between them and he couldn’t get a flight out of Florida yet. Finn told him not to worry, he had everything under control and that Emilio should enjoy his new grandchild.

  “Do you want some more to eat?” Holly’s voice drew him from his thoughts.

  Finn glanced down at his empty dinner plate. She’d made spaghetti and meatballs. He’d had some jar sauce and frozen meatballs on hand. He didn’t always want someone to cook for him—sometimes he liked the solitude. So he made sure to keep simple things on hand that he could make for himself.

  “Thanks. It was good but I’m full.”

  “There’s a lot of leftovers. I guess I’m not so good with portions. I’ll put them in the fridge in case you get hungry later. I know how hard you worked today. I’m sorry I wasn’t any help.”

  “You have those babies to care for now. Besides, you cooked. That was a huge help.”

  She sent him a look that said she didn’t believe him, but she wasn’t going to argue. “I’ll just clean this up.”

  He got to his feet. “Let me help.”

  She shook her head. “You rest. I’ve got this.”

  “But I want to help. And I’d like to make a pot of coffee. Do you want some?”

  “I can’t have any now that I’m pregnant.”

  “That’s right. I forgot. But don’t worry. I plan to do lots of reading. I’ll catch on to all of this pregnancy stuff. Well, come on. The kitchen isn’t going to clean itself.”